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Jennifer Webb
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About This Site - Career Skills for Admins Workshop, June 18, 2008
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Communicating Well Builds Relationships That Support Your Work and Career
February 13, 2008
by Jennifer Webb
Nothing wastes more time, causes more frustration or leads to damage control more often than ambiguous communication.
Back in the 60’s J. Edgar Hoover was head of the FBI. His secretary typed a letter for him one day and he didn’t like the margins. So he wrote on the letter, “watch the borders” and ask her to retype. She did, and sent it to FBI agents around the country.
For the next month Canadian and Mexican borders were watched when all he had wanted was for his secretary to change those borders/margins to something more acceptable.
It’s humorous, yes, but can you imagine what it was like for the person who sent out the letter? And yet she just followed what she was told to do.
And that leads to this thought… if you aren’t absolutely sure you understand, ask and ask again. Many people seem to believe that if you’re really good at your job you won’t need to ask; you can always figure it out.
It’s as if asking means you’re not as qualified or as much of an expert as you should be. So if that’s the case, should J. Edgar Hoover’s secretary have just understood somehow that “watch the borders” meant margins, not land areas?
And what about the fact that others learn from being led, not told. If you can’t ask when you are unsure, what about those who report to you or just watch how you operate professionally? When they genuinely need to ask, they won’t.
There are many ways to ask, such as “I want to be sure I understand” or “I don’t want to assume anything, does that mean?…” And, of course, always make it safe for those you give information to, to ask questions. Follow up with comments like “Does that make sense?” “Is there any other information you might need?”
It’s amazing how many of us don’t have the confidence to question and ask for what we need. Even if it feels uncomfortable to ask, do it anyway. With practice it becomes a new behavior, a new habit, and in time it probably will feel like second nature.
Be sure you understand how others see you. Good communication begins and ends with seeing ourselves as others see us. So if I think I’m very positive but one of my clients thinks I have a bad attitude, is that client correct? Of course in my mind absolutely not, but that client’s perception is one hundred percent reality; in the client’s eyes I am whatever is perceived.
I often tell people in my seminars that when I met my future second ex-husband’s friends, I thought I was making a good impression, but later found out that everyone seemed to think I was rather aloof and stuck up. What I was, was insecure and thought I had nothing to contribute to the conversations, but that’s not what others saw.
Why is this important? One woman came up to me and asked, “Are you saying I have to make everyone like me?” And the answer is definitely not. What we all need, in order to really partner effectively with anyone, is to be sure we understand how we’re coming across. We can then do whatever we want with that information.
I don’t recommend what one woman told me she did when she went into her bosses’ office for weekly meetings. She secretly unplugged his phone line so he couldn’t be disturbed. In her estimation, that was the only way to really get him to listen. However, there are other ways…
In tomorrow’s post, learn 5 specific ways for insuring that your communication gets heard… and acted upon.
Best regards,
~ Jennifer
Finding a Crystal Ball for Reading Your Boss
February 11, 2008
by Jennifer Webb
He’s thinking you’re a mind reader. She believes you are the original miracle worker. Always staying five steps ahead of them might make bosses think you are part Svengali, and certainly incredibly valuable. So how do we really look into the future to see what to expect from bosses?
Start off by doing a profile and analyzing patterns. By stepping back and looking at the patterns of urgencies, unexpected deadlines or consistencies of any sort, we can start to anticipate when the next emergency will occur. By asking, watching calendars and continually using our peripheral vision we can stay aware of everything going on around us at work. Often important information/signs are all around us, we’ve just been too busy to notice. Which leads us to…
Getting more information. The more we know, the more valuable we are. Ask, demand, read, study, and get as much information as you can. When you can start thinking for your boss because you know much of what’s happening at your office, and probably have a better organizational sense to keep facts and dates straight, then you go from merely valuable, to absolutely indispensable.
Shooting the Messenger…
February 9, 2008
by Jennifer Webb
As an Admin, you sometimes have to give the boss unpleasant news. What are some smart techniques for getting the job done?
The greatest approach is to understand the personal style of the individual.
For instance if you are working with a Judge (a very direct, to the point kind of person) you will be direct and to the point. No prelude, no niceties, just lay it on the line.
When working with a social, friendly Meteor individual, being friendly, and saying something positive first works best. This is especially true if the negative information is going to be quite unpleasant.
The bottom line is that if we approach giving negative information based on the way we want to hear it, we run the risk of alienating the person we’re talking to.
By having alternatives available you’ll always be more effective. If you have to tell someone the flight got cancelled, have optional ways to travel. When giving the bad news that the new employee isn’t going to take the job after all, have the name and number of two reliable employment agencies, etc. By offering solutions to the negative, you immediately emphasize what can be done, not what can’t.
You’ll also do best by getting them involved. Let’s say you have to tell someone the project he has been working on has been scrapped. You may have gotten this task because your boss doesn’t want to face this person, or perhaps is too busy and relies on your tact and diplomacy. Whatever the reason you’re stuck giving bad news, and you may not have the authority to offer much in the way of alternatives.
You can find out in advance what other projects they might get involved in, ask for guidance on a project you are working on or find some other way to get them involved, and away from the destructive behavior of dwelling on all the time that was wasted. By the way be sure you let them vent if you know your information will create a great deal of frustration or stress. It’s a common reaction to the news, and not directed at you personally.
Look to see the biggest need that won’t be met with this decision. When people act out it’s because there is a need that isn’t being met. So, when you deliver the unpleasant news, understand what need isn’t being met. Could the person need to look like the smartest person around, and any criticism helps erode this perception? Does a boss need to save face around the rest of the staff? Identifying the most basic of needs helps you find multiple ways to approach the issue.
Imagine looking in a mirror when you speak. Are you projecting confidence, professionalism, and positive energy? Are you standing or sitting tall, making eye contact, talking without apologies and with assertiveness in the voice? How you convey the information you are giving has everything to do with how it’s received.
By the way, I’m working on a program that details the 4 personality types Admins work with daily, including practical ways to best deal with them. You can find out when it’s ready right here in this blog.
Best regards,
~ Jennifer
Dealing Calmly with Angry People
February 6, 2008
by Jennifer Webb
As an administrative professional, sometimes you are required to work with and around angry people. These are the times you can really shine by remembering a few basic rules.
First of all, remember anger is always a need not being met. Every time you are dealing with an angry person, see if you can notice what that need is. And every time you get angry look to see what your real needs are.
If you have a boss who comes out of a meeting and jumps all over you for not having a file he needed for the meeting, you can look to see if any of the following apply:
- He’s upset over something that happened in the meeting; for example, perhaps he needed to feel respect from his peers and didn’t.
- He’s upset over something that happened as a result of the meeting. Perhaps he wanted to show off something he was proud of. You didn’t get the file to him and so he’s feeling disappointed and insecure because he needed to feel appreciated for the hard work he did.
- He’s angry (and needy) about something that happened long before he came in to work this morning.
Wherever it came from, the need that isn’t being met is causing anger at some level. If you can find the need, you can deal effectively with the anger.
How can you do that?
By paraphrasing and empathizing. When we repeat back what they say they always listen (it’s their words, after all). And when we can also empathize—understand how they are really feeling—then we are communicating on a level of far greater understanding.
Then, get them involved in the answer. It doesn’t matter why someone is angry, they think they are right; they think they understand what will fix it. And getting them involved, they automatically start to feel better.
At one of my seminars in Las Vegas a woman told me her boss was always right, regardless of how wrong he was. And he loved telling her she had made the mistake, she was always wrong. For many people this would be maddeningly frustrating.
On the other hand, she had an interesting response at these moments. She would smile at him and reply “That’s why I’m here, to correct whatever mistakes I’ve made and make sure things get done right.” She didn’t mind always taking the blame. She said if it had to do with integrity she would have said something, but as it was, she picked her battles and won by not having to prove she was right.
She also said that the boss calmed down immediately when she replied this way and she was able to get more done with lots less drama.
Getting Your Boss to Listen
February 5, 2008
by Jennifer Webb
Always know whom you’re dealing with.
Of course you know what your boss is like, but to get him to listen are you really sure of his behavioral style and the best way to communicate with him? This knowledge helps you to understand the best time to approach him, how to talk with him and can also help you strategize a more effective plan for getting the results you want. Along with his style, look for what buttons to push.
Let me give you an example of smart button pushing.
A woman who worked for a difficult boss was in one of my seminars a while back. She was mentioning how unpleasant he was to work with and that she had no idea what made him tick. She then said that the only time he ever seemed pleased with her was the time she completed a project that he told her “made him look good in front of everyone.”
That information, of course, was what she had missed; that was the button.
Part of our job is to help those we work with feel important, feel good about themselves. But in this case he was telling her what her focus should be: make him look and feel important to others!
Now, if she couldn’t get information out of him that was needed, she could talk to him from the perspective, “In order to get this done, and for you to really look good, I need the following information.”
There are 3 keys to making this work for you:
1) Listen.
We want to get others to listen to us, and we work hard sometimes to create elaborate systems to ensure they do. But one of the best ways to get others to listen to us is to effectively listen to them. The more we truly listen to our bosses the more insight we have into what they want and need, what makes them tick. Don’t forget to watch for body language, for tone and for all the other myriad of ways people communicate with us.
2) Be prepared, and use body language.
If we are working on making sure what we say is really heard, with credibility and respect, then we do our homework. And along with the preparation we should remember that people will listen better to people they feel an affinity with. When we mirror someone’s body language (not mimic, just have similar movements) and master their tone and energy, we build rapport and create an environment for better understanding.
3) Do the unexpected.
This doesn’t mean leaping out of a plane with the important message printed on your parachute, but it does mean looking at other approaches to getting your message across. Maybe it means buying bagels and coming in half an hour early to get her full attention. Maybe it’s sending brightly-colored memos, one an hour, putting yourself on his calendar or using a coded email system. Keep stretching and looking for new opportunities to make yourself heard. Always remember people listen to the radio station W.I.F.M. (What’s In it for Me).
I’d love to hear your experiences in getting your boss to listen. Feel free to comment by clicking the “Comment” link below.
Inspiring…
February 5, 2008
by Jennifer Webb
Check this out:
http://actionplan.blogs.com/weblog/2008/02/the-key-to-insp.html
- Jennifer
What’s the Best Approach to Working with More Than One Boss?
February 4, 2008
by Jennifer Webb
Recently I presented a two-day course for administrative professionals in the Chicago area. We discussed this particular topic at great length. Here’s a quck summary of what we generally agreed are the best approaches to this challenging issue:
1. Let them fight over you.
It doesn’t matter whether you have two bosses who work together or you report to people who work 3000 miles apart. When it comes to determining the order of work you must set up boundaries that force them to choose priorities.
There’s no other answer, although the approaches you use to get them to agree can vary a great deal. Perhaps you set up an email priority list that goes to both for review four times a day, or you phone both at 7:30 am or drop by both offices at the start of the day.
Of course this doesn’t apply if you report to several people, but only one does your performance review. In that case you work for one person, with a subset of people who you also report to. Then there’s no stress over whose work gets priority.
2. Keep everyone informed.
This builds on the first answer, but sometimes bosses seem pushy or demanding because they genuinely don’t know the other work you’re doing. Determine the best way to get information to your bosses, in other words the way they’ll most comfortably and quickly read the information. By keeping the information flowing you minimize the stress of having to explain why you’re too busy to do a certain task.
3. Know the personality styles of all people you report to.
Now this might seem pretty obvious, but remember you can work for a Type A individual who really thinks her work is the most important work being done in he company, and at the same time report to a very calm Type B individual who forgets to mention the urgency of legitimate deadlines.
Learn if they react, exaggerate, tend to understate or what characteristics they usually display. As you learn to read between the lines and continue to communicate with them you start to get a clear picture of whose priorities are truly urgent and whose priorities can wait.
With these 3 simple concepts you’ll have a lot more control over your time at the office. You’ll also increase your productivity and improve your work relationships.
Working Effectively With A Micro-Managing Boss
February 1, 2008
by Jennifer Webb
We’ve all seen this. This boss constantly looks over your shoulder checking all the little details of whatever you are doing. So how do you deal with this effectively?
The first thing to do is to think about why this person is micromanaging. Is he unsure of himself and feels he needs to constantly check? Is she a new manager lacking the skills to effectively manage? Is he wired in such a way (very analytical) that it’s he naturally double and triple checks everyone?
Realize that many times you can manage up. It means getting a handle on what this person really needs, and then being smart enough to provide it. It’s also better to avoid getting stuck on the label “micro-manager.” Sometimes a tendency to check everyone one more time can be useful (if it doesn’t drive you crazy first) as long as you can find a way to control it.
Be two steps ahead. If you know your boss has a track record for always needing certain information by 9:30 and interrupts you every morning before lunch, why not get a report to her by 9:00, or email by 10:00? When you feed this person—consistently—enough information, there’s a good chance he will relax. And at the very least you are in control of your time instead of waiting for the interruptions.
Talk to your boss. Find the right time and say something like: “I know you probably don’t realize it, but I get frustrated when you come to my desk checking on my work each morning because it slows the work we’re doing together. I need to be able to report to you on our progress instead. How does that sound to you?” Remember whatever the response you’re getting, you are starting to create dialogue, to communicate, and that’s a great first step.
Solve the right problem. Ask yourself if you have anything to do with the situation. Is this manger concerned about something you forgot to do? Is it possible it’s not a micro-managing problem at all, but a lack of communication, or something you haven’t even thought of? Step back. Imagine what this situation would look like to someone who didn’t know your office environment. Now what other right answers are there to finding the best solutions?
Thinking Creatively
January 29, 2008
by Jennifer Webb
To really work and partner more effectively, a good rule of thumb is to stop looking at doing things the way they’ve always been done.
Albert Einstein said imagination is more important than education. And one good way to think creatively is to reverse your point of view. Doing so opens up endless unique approaches to take.
For instance if your viewpoint is that your boss wastes too much time and could be twice as efficient if she’d simply tighten up her schedule and not get so involved with everyone’s activities, reverse your thinking. Make up your mind that it’s great for your boss to “waste” time because it helps her understand what others really need or it keeps her out of your hair, or any number of other suppositions.
You’re opening yourself up to other ways to look at the situation and taking off the blinders you may have put on out of frustration. Ask yourself how someone else would handle this situation: the company CEO, a teacher, an inventor. We get stuck looking at things without really seeing the other options.
By using your creative imagination you can bypass these limitations and get more accomplished with greater ease.
Creating a Map for Success
January 28, 2008
by Jennifer Webb
Imagine you’re on vacation at Disneyland and you need to find your way around. Getting an map of the park would make sense, wouldn’t it? What you probably wouldn’t do is second guess directions and hope to end up in the right place. In fact without an accurate map you might as well get a map of the moon; your results would be about as reliable.
If you need to get somewhere, you need a map of the area. And if you’re going to partner more effectively with any boss, the first thing you have to do is have a map of the person, to understand what his/her needs and goals are as well as the challenges and weaknesses. Only then can you really start creating a strategic plan on how to be as valuable an asset as possible to your boss(es).
Perhaps you’ve got a boss who is a micro-manager. He drives you crazy by constantly interrupting, checking on the most insignificant of details and basically never leaving you alone.
So, if you were creating a map of this individual, what would his needs and challenges be? Possible to feel safe, to trust that nothing will be left undone? Maybe he’s concerned he might be passed over for promotion unless he’s relentless in his pursuit for perfection. No matter how frustrating he might be, he’s communicating loudly and clearly what his needs are. Your job is to start reading the road signs. Knowledge is power. And keep in mind people don’t always (in fact rarely) tell you what they are really feeling or what they’re really thinking. When you can get past what is being said to what the feeling is, then you have golden opportunities to really understand your boss, and be an invaluable asset.
Make a list of what your bosses’ primary strengths are, what areas need work and how you can compliment this person. For instance if you feel as though your boss is always checking up on you, why not make a point to inform her more frequently of what you’re doing; give her more information. Understand her need in this case is to be very much in the loop. Yes, you’re taking more time up front (look at it as making a deposit that can only continue to earn interest) but it will ultimately save you time and headaches in the future as your boss begins to relax more, knowing you’re aware of her needs. Right now you’re just laying the groundwork.
Understand how bosses prefer to get their information. If you have a no-nonsense, get-to-the-point boss follow his lead, which means to speak and talk in bullets and keep conversations very business-oriented. Remember we need to treat people the way they need to be treated, and everyone is wired differently. World-famous educator Howard Gardener said it isn’t how smart we are, but how we are smart.
If you have a boss who is an extrovert, there’s a good chance he needs to jump from task to task and will forget or miss a lot of detail on the way. So you give that person smaller bits of information at a time. The emphasis in this case is on relationships. This means you realize the importance he places on attending or having meetings, talking on the phone and talking with you (sometimes about non-essential things). If his energy is derived externally—from others—then to minimize his need to interact takes away from what is relevant to him. On the other hand, he is apt to put so much emphasis on the people connections that he misses the details and deadlines. This just means you need more creative ways to make sure information isn’t lost between the cracks.
Consequently if you’ve a quiet, non-confrontational boss you need to listen with your eyes and ears, he’ll be reluctant to tell you what’s really on his mind, and you might need to draw him out to understand what he’s thinking, or what he needs from you.
Finally, your analytical boss is predictable. She needs all communications in writing, and will be uncomfortable if any agenda, policy or procedure is changed along the way.
