Tips For Admins

Why can’t we get what we want from people? Could be they don’t want to be bothered giving it to us. But more frequently it has to do with all kinds of external situations we aren’t aware of.

The answer? Learning what triggers a response in someone.

For example, if someone constantly micro manages and wants to have control, realize he’ll give you what you want more quickly if he feels like he’s in control. You might do this by explaining how important the information you need is to the company and then asking when it would be convenient for him to get it to you.

If the trigger is looking good in front of the team, push that button, etc. Knowledge is power and taking the time to see what influences someone gives you an amazing amount of information.

Take time to learn what this person needs the most, as well as what his or her biggest frustrations are. This is different from where we were looking at what information someone reacted to. Here we’re looking at what needs drive someone, as well as what their greatest concerns are.

So when we are trying to get the sales team to meet our deadline, and we know they need to be the center of attention, we have good information to work with. How? By calling them an extra time to say how much we appreciate their help, earning some brownie points by telling others about how creative and energetic they are (and making sure they hear about it) or starting a new program for on-time information, in the form of a wall chart that everyone sees.

Sound extreme? Wouldn’t you rather spend a little time and energy creating a program that will continue to work for you, or be right, than continue spending energy trying to get action on your request?

Give them what they want. Reciprocity is “I’ll do something for you and you will do something for me.” Everyone’s a winner. Stephen Covey calls it making deposits, but whatever way you want to define it, when you approach people by giving them what they want it makes it much more difficult for them to decline your requests.

Also, ask specifically for what you need. If you need a complete breakdown of activities for a conference your company is holding, but you just mentioned you needed an itinerary of activities, you won’t get what you need. We get stuck assuming we are on the same page when we’re asking for something, and this very often results in us getting something else, but not what we really need.

Finally, reward them! This doesn’t have to be financial rewards, but if someone moved heaven and earth to get something to you on time, then a box of cookies or something similar will go a long way. I’m not suggesting we bribe people to do their work effectively, but we all love that extra something, whether it’s a thank you, a pat on the back, or a box of Godiva chocolates.

Best regards,

~ Jennifer

In any work environment your effectiveness, and career success, depends on stong relationships. By understanding the basics of building rapport, you’ll go a long way towards reaching your goals.

And we don’t need a pile of books and articles about it, in fact often the basics are the best way to master it. Those basics mean that we begin by focusing on all the ways we pay attention; listen with our eyes and ears.

Start by asking what does this person really want or need? Remember WIIFM (what’s in it for me) and look for what is genuinely unique about the person. This was the premise for Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” It might not sound like a big deal, but one of the fundamental human needs is to feel appreciated and unique.

Another thing to notice is body language. Did you know that 90% of initial communication is nonverbal? Therefore one of the quickest ways to build rapport is to be more in sync with the person’s communication style. Are they soft spoken or loud and energetic? Do they talk slowly or rapidly? Do they gesture or not? Move forward or lean back? It’s been said that great sales people actually adapt (unconsciously) the breathing patterns of the person they are talking to. Use it, it helps put the other person at ease.

Needless to say, it’s good to understand the behavioral style of the individual. I’ve mentioned it in previous posts, but if you’re meeting someone for the first time focus on how he or she prefers to be treated based on their style. This is an entire subject in and of itself and I’ll cover it more in later offerings.

For the moment I’ll just mention that knowing a person’s style is crucial in building rapport. Understanding this you’ll be able to really focus on the best ways to effectively communicate and build rapport at the same time.

In his book “How Full Is Your Bucket?” Tom Rath uses the bucket as a metaphor to remind us that every time we communicate with people we are either filling their buckets (helping them feel good about themselves) or taking from their buckets (making them feel badly about themselves) and when we take from their buckets, the results can be disastrous.

So remember that in all our encounters with others we have choices in how we’re going to react. As an example, what if you were working with a boss to get him or her to agree with you? The National Institute of Business Management says to take the emotion out of it. And in addition, to…

• Offer your suggestion in a way that your boss can approve it without involving a higher authority.
• Stress cost savings, speed and quality. Proposals promising to improve all three have a far better chance of acceptance.
• Show how the change will make your boss look good and the company more profitable or reputable.
• Test your plan with staff members affected by it, to gain their support. If you’re going to meet a hard-to-persuade boss’s objection that “others on the staff won’t like it,” this is an essential step.
• Speak in company jargon and terms that are popular with top management.
• Give three solid reasons for accepting your plan.

Remember each step of the way you make choices about how you’re going to react. By keeping rapport-building in mind, your success rate will always improve.

In Monday’s post I’ll be offering you a gift that will help you advance even faster in your career. Be sure to watch for it.

Best regards,

~ Jennifer

In the corporate world how you handle interactions with others makes a huge difference. And you’re probably aware that it’s not always easy to deal with the quirks and foibles of the people you work with.

Here are some of the most common complaints I hear regarding co-workers:

They’re too loud. Recently, an attendee in one of my seminars mentioned that there was a woman in the adjoining cubicle who was hard of hearing and read everything that came across her desk out loud at high volume. It was very distracting.

They interrupt. Regardless of whether you are in the midst of something imporant or not, somehow their immediate needs seem way more important to them.

They lack team spirit. This can show up as not offering to help when they have time or saying things like “it’s not my job” when asked to chip in.

Here are 3 crucial tips for working smarter with co-workers:

Put On Your Teflon Suit.

In other words, don’t let what they do ’stick’ to you. Do this by getting your ego out of the way, picking your battles, and  realizing that the aggravations are usually not important enough to waste your energy on. By not engaging with their distrations, you can create an island of calm in the stormy ocean of office politics.

Granted, by taking this approach you will never be close enough to many co-workers to invite them home to dinner or really want to be friends, but it’s much less stressful to realize people are just the way they are, period. You can’t change them, but you can be smarter in how you interact with them. By the way, there’s a statistic that 14% of people want to smack someone they work with . There’s a lot of frustration out there!

Recognize What’s Really Bugging You And Find A Solution.

Of course this might actually mean telling the person. Let’s say the noise a co-worker makes is driving you up your cubicle or office wall, and you’ve even suggested that she be a bit quieter. Results? Things are as bad as usual.

You could say what you are feeling and what you need, and make a request. “I am feeling frustrated because I can’t concentrate with the noise, and I need to have less noise here so I can concentrate (your request). Would you be able to talk a little more softly?”

Whatever answer you get, you’re on the road to communicating. In the worst case, if the person is angry or upset, at least you can empathize with her and then continue talking about a compromise that works for both of you. At least it’s in the open and being discussed.

You could be creative and get a small rock water fountain, get a loud clock,  use headphones, take some of the work to a conference room. There are many ways to find resolution and still get along.

Look To See Why Someone Is Behaving The Way They Are.

When we can really understand the reason behind the behavior, it makes it so much easier to handle. If someone isn’t pulling their share of work, or says it’s not their job, it really helps to understand what’s going on.

No one said working with others is easy, but as Daniel Goleman mentions in his books emotional intelligence, 25% of our success in life comes from our IQ, 75% from our EQ, our ability to handle people. And when we know why they are acting out and what they need, it puts us light years ahead of others.

Nothing wastes more time, causes more frustration or leads to damage control more often than ambiguous communication.

Back in the 60’s J. Edgar Hoover was head of the FBI. His secretary typed a letter for him one day and he didn’t like the margins. So he wrote on the letter, “watch the borders” and ask her to retype. She did, and sent it to FBI agents around the country.

For the next month Canadian and Mexican borders were watched when all he had wanted was for his secretary to change those borders/margins to something more acceptable.

It’s humorous, yes, but can you imagine what it was like for the person who sent out the letter? And yet she just followed what she was told to do.

And that leads to this thought… if you aren’t absolutely sure you understand, ask and ask again. Many people seem to believe that if you’re really good at your job you won’t need to ask; you can always figure it out.

It’s as if asking means you’re not as qualified or as much of an expert as you should be. So if that’s the case, should J. Edgar Hoover’s secretary have just understood somehow that “watch the borders” meant margins, not land areas?

And what about the fact that others learn from being led, not told. If you can’t ask when you are unsure, what about those who report to you or just watch how you operate professionally? When they genuinely need to ask, they won’t.

There are many ways to ask, such as “I want to be sure I understand” or “I don’t want to assume anything, does that mean?…” And, of course, always make it safe for those you give information to, to ask questions. Follow up with comments like “Does that make sense?” “Is there any other information you might need?”

It’s amazing how many of us don’t have the confidence to question and ask for what we need. Even if it feels uncomfortable to ask, do it anyway. With practice it becomes a new behavior, a new habit, and in time it probably will feel like second nature.

Be sure you understand how others see you. Good communication begins and ends with seeing ourselves as others see us. So if I think I’m very positive but one of my clients thinks I have a bad attitude, is that client correct? Of course in my mind absolutely not, but that client’s perception is one hundred percent reality; in the client’s eyes I am whatever is perceived.

I often tell people in my seminars that when I met my future second ex-husband’s friends, I thought I was making a good impression, but later found out that everyone seemed to think I was rather aloof and stuck up. What I was, was insecure and thought I had nothing to contribute to the conversations, but that’s not what others saw.

Why is this important? One woman came up to me and asked, “Are you saying I have to make everyone like me?” And the answer is definitely not. What we all need, in order to really partner effectively with anyone, is to be sure we understand how we’re coming across. We can then do whatever we want with that information.

I don’t recommend what one woman told me she did when she went into her bosses’ office for weekly meetings. She secretly unplugged his phone line so he couldn’t be disturbed. In her estimation, that was the only way to really get him to listen. However, there are other ways…

In tomorrow’s post, learn 5 specific ways for insuring that your communication gets heard… and acted upon.

Best regards,

~ Jennifer