In any work environment your effectiveness, and career success, depends on stong relationships. By understanding the basics of building rapport, you’ll go a long way towards reaching your goals.
And we don’t need a pile of books and articles about it, in fact often the basics are the best way to master it. Those basics mean that we begin by focusing on all the ways we pay attention; listen with our eyes and ears.
Start by asking what does this person really want or need? Remember WIIFM (what’s in it for me) and look for what is genuinely unique about the person. This was the premise for Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” It might not sound like a big deal, but one of the fundamental human needs is to feel appreciated and unique.
Another thing to notice is body language. Did you know that 90% of initial communication is nonverbal? Therefore one of the quickest ways to build rapport is to be more in sync with the person’s communication style. Are they soft spoken or loud and energetic? Do they talk slowly or rapidly? Do they gesture or not? Move forward or lean back? It’s been said that great sales people actually adapt (unconsciously) the breathing patterns of the person they are talking to. Use it, it helps put the other person at ease.
Needless to say, it’s good to understand the behavioral style of the individual. I’ve mentioned it in previous posts, but if you’re meeting someone for the first time focus on how he or she prefers to be treated based on their style. This is an entire subject in and of itself and I’ll cover it more in later offerings.
For the moment I’ll just mention that knowing a person’s style is crucial in building rapport. Understanding this you’ll be able to really focus on the best ways to effectively communicate and build rapport at the same time.
In his book “How Full Is Your Bucket?” Tom Rath uses the bucket as a metaphor to remind us that every time we communicate with people we are either filling their buckets (helping them feel good about themselves) or taking from their buckets (making them feel badly about themselves) and when we take from their buckets, the results can be disastrous.
So remember that in all our encounters with others we have choices in how we’re going to react. As an example, what if you were working with a boss to get him or her to agree with you? The National Institute of Business Management says to take the emotion out of it. And in addition, to…
- Offer your suggestion in a way that your boss can approve it without involving a higher authority.
- Stress cost savings, speed and quality. Proposals promising to improve all three have a far better chance of acceptance.
- Show how the change will make your boss look good and the company more profitable or reputable.
- Test your plan with staff members affected by it, to gain their support. If you’re going to meet a hard-to-persuade boss’s objection that “others on the staff won’t like it,” this is an essential step.
- Speak in company jargon and terms that are popular with top management.
- Give three solid reasons for accepting your plan.
Remember each step of the way you make choices about how you’re going to react. By keeping rapport-building in mind, your success rate will always improve.
In Monday’s post I’ll be offering you a gift that will help you advance even faster in your career. Be sure to watch for it.
Best regards,
~ Jennifer
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