Time and again people talk to me about the challenges of being friends before one of the pair got promoted. Depending on who’s talking, either the recently-promoted co-worker has an attitude and forgets the friendship, or the other person is jealous, disgruntled and starts doing inferior work. Perhaps there is some truth in both views, but there’s also a lot of middle ground to work with. So…
No matter what’s been happening, set up a time to talk to the person you’ve been promoted over. Start the conversation with the truth, which will probably sound something like, “I am feeling awkward and a little uncomfortable, but I need your help. I need to know what your thoughts are about how we can work together effectively.”
Then listen without replying. If the responses are curt or vague, be understanding about what you’re hearing. Reply by saying something like, “I’m guessing you feel a little awkward too?” or “Sounds like you feel uncertain (or frustrated, or concerned) also. What do you think we should do?”
Again, it’s getting it out in the open. Things may not turn out the way you want at the moment, but keep at it. Ask for involvement and empathize where this person is coming from as well as stating your needs.
Get support. Who works well with this person and gets along with you? Can you start meeting with everyone in the department or group? Can you assign team projects and perhaps delegate someone else for her to report to until she’s more comfortable with the new situation?
Remember it isn’t the change, it’s the transition that can be frustrating. Even with great change there is that transition period. For instance, one of the greatest experiences in life for most of us is the birth of our children, yet many women experience a post partem depression. Why? Partly because they had to give up the old (going out for pizza at 10:00, or sleeping straight through the night).
So give people time to adjust to a very different dynamic. As long as you keep acting the way you always have, with integrity, there’s a very good chance the person will eventually come round.
By the way, I’m preparing a special surprise for you as a reader of this blog. I’ll be announcing it soon, so be sure you’re on the blog announcement list. All you need to do is put in your name and email address in the form right below my picture on the right side near the top of the home page. You’ll then get a short email whenever a new post is available. By doing this you’ll be among the first to hear about this special surprise.
Best regards,
~ Jennifer
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