Nothing wastes more time, causes more frustration or leads to damage control more often than ambiguous communication.
Back in the 60’s J. Edgar Hoover was head of the FBI. His secretary typed a letter for him one day and he didn’t like the margins. So he wrote on the letter, “watch the borders” and ask her to retype. She did, and sent it to FBI agents around the country.
For the next month Canadian and Mexican borders were watched when all he had wanted was for his secretary to change those borders/margins to something more acceptable.
It’s humorous, yes, but can you imagine what it was like for the person who sent out the letter? And yet she just followed what she was told to do.
And that leads to this thought… if you aren’t absolutely sure you understand, ask and ask again. Many people seem to believe that if you’re really good at your job you won’t need to ask; you can always figure it out.
It’s as if asking means you’re not as qualified or as much of an expert as you should be. So if that’s the case, should J. Edgar Hoover’s secretary have just understood somehow that “watch the borders” meant margins, not land areas?
And what about the fact that others learn from being led, not told. If you can’t ask when you are unsure, what about those who report to you or just watch how you operate professionally? When they genuinely need to ask, they won’t.
There are many ways to ask, such as “I want to be sure I understand” or “I don’t want to assume anything, does that mean?…” And, of course, always make it safe for those you give information to, to ask questions. Follow up with comments like “Does that make sense?” “Is there any other information you might need?”
It’s amazing how many of us don’t have the confidence to question and ask for what we need. Even if it feels uncomfortable to ask, do it anyway. With practice it becomes a new behavior, a new habit, and in time it probably will feel like second nature.
Be sure you understand how others see you. Good communication begins and ends with seeing ourselves as others see us. So if I think I’m very positive but one of my clients thinks I have a bad attitude, is that client correct? Of course in my mind absolutely not, but that client’s perception is one hundred percent reality; in the client’s eyes I am whatever is perceived.
I often tell people in my seminars that when I met my future second ex-husband’s friends, I thought I was making a good impression, but later found out that everyone seemed to think I was rather aloof and stuck up. What I was, was insecure and thought I had nothing to contribute to the conversations, but that’s not what others saw.
Why is this important? One woman came up to me and asked, “Are you saying I have to make everyone like me?” And the answer is definitely not. What we all need, in order to really partner effectively with anyone, is to be sure we understand how we’re coming across. We can then do whatever we want with that information.
I don’t recommend what one woman told me she did when she went into her bosses’ office for weekly meetings. She secretly unplugged his phone line so he couldn’t be disturbed. In her estimation, that was the only way to really get him to listen. However, there are other ways…
In tomorrow’s post, learn 5 specific ways for insuring that your communication gets heard… and acted upon.
Best regards,
~ Jennifer
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